Along with the team I led, I was made redundant in February 2023. It was unexpected and it’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, to say the least. I realise there are a fair few of us on this rollercoaster - or perhaps the better analogy is we’re all on different rides within the theme park of ‘Redundancy’. And speaking to those people directly, I dunno about you, but sometimes the inner critic likes to come out to play a bit too much and I find myself in a bit of a downward spiral of thoughts which are neither helpful nor kind. They are very much redundant thoughts, and while I can shake them off from time to time, they still come back. Perhaps this rollercoaster is more akin to a ghost train - and these thoughts are the ‘demons’ we have to face.
So, in the spirit of one of my well-being practices, journalling, I thought it might help me (and others) to get them out in the open and share. After all, a problem shared is a problem halved and all that. Or at least, a problem that’s shared/written down somewhere no longer needs to occupy space in my head.
What could I have done differently?
Redundancy can feel like the unexpected break up of a relationship - the “it’s not you, it’s me” that comes like a bolt from the blue while you’re still busy making plans for your future together. Cue redundant thought number 1 - what could I have done differently? While I will always advocate for self-reflection and learning from our past behaviour, in this scenario, this might be a redundant thought as perhaps there’s likely very little you could have done to change the outcome. Of course, I’m thinking about things I might do more of in my next role and what things I might tackle differently but there were inevitably other business factors (whether these are clear to you or not) that led to this and they would still have played a part in the ultimate decision.
And if the why this has happened to you, isn’t clear (which kinda sucks) then you do go looking for [imaginary] answers - which zaps energy and capacity for other things - it’s pretty limiting. And the one thing this thinking pattern is definitely going to do is put the emphasis on you, which is inevitably going to lead to feelings of guilt, as though you’re to blame. That’s a heavy and restrictive emotion to carry - how are we meant to juggle looking for roles, creating and tweaking CVs and portfolios, writing cover letters with authenticity and not desperation, and speaking to recruiters all while feeling like that? It’s redundant and it doesn’t serve us.
Thinking about how we might have done things differently also means we spend a lot of time in our heads as well as in the past; walking through imaginary scenarios or conversations again, analysing how different outcomes might have been achieved. Ultimately, this is a time and energy drain - taking us from the focus of being present, taking control and making progress with the job hunt.
So, self-reflection and adapting for next time, yes - blaming yourself and not being present, not focusing on the things you can control, no.
I’m not good enough
This is a raw one, but I’ve felt this. Everything from “If I was more <this>, they’d have kept me” to “My personal brand ID is rubbish, that’s why I’ve not heard back about that job”. These thoughts often like to invade my brain at about 3 am and keep me from precious sleep.
This is the first time I’ve been made redundant and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure if there was some stigma attached to being laid off - becoming the ‘unclean’ of the recruitment pile, so to speak. Fortunately, when I’ve spoken to recruiters and hiring managers, it hasn’t felt that way, I’ve been met with compassion and support - but that doesn’t stop the pesky redundant thought creeping in, does it?
Another thing which doesn’t help keep this thought at bay is how long it can take to hear back from applications. The silence creates a void for those pervasive thoughts to spill into - imagining a whole heap of scenarios as to why you’ve not heard back and if left unchecked, these thoughts can quickly become just focused on you/your role in this process and often lead to negative places. But what if the hiring manager is busy? (Having been one, multiple times, I know how easily this process can run away from you). Or they are on holiday? Or maybe there needs to be some meeting or internal politics addressed before they can contact applicants? Or perhaps, there are some roles that you just might not hear back from - another thing which sucks - but if I can’t control it, why am I worrying about it?
Ultimately, redundancy isn’t a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on the role and the business. You are bigger than the work you do and you are more than good enough. Repeat that one back.
Thoughts about other people
When you’re actively job hunting, it feels like you live on LinkedIn. It’s not gone unnoticed to me that doom scrolling on Instagram has been replaced with doom scrolling on LinkedIn - so much so, that I’ve had to turn off notifications to stop the habit that was forming from the distraction they create. Consequently, you see a lot of updates from people. Naturally, it’s everything from people making similar announcements that their role has also gone, promotions to knowledge sharing and non-work related announcements. As unavoidable as it is on other social media platforms, it’s hard to not judge yourself against others on LinkedIn. The curse of social media, eh?
“Why has their post got more likes and greater visibility?” - “They’ve already got another job sorted - didn’t they get made redundant after me?” - “They’ve lost their job - they’re going to be going for similar roles to me…” Another set of thoughts, unhelpful and commenting on things beyond our own control.
Competition often feels like a fact of life. I’ve seen this through how things worked out for the team. After being made redundant with others in their work peer group, it was noticeable that they were interviewing at the same places (luckily often there were multiple vacancies) but there was awareness of the competition for these roles, a feeling brewed of stepping on each other’s toes, of comparing their journey and career with that of another - which led to murmurings of "I'm not good enough". Thankfully, the team all have new and exciting jobs (promotions for most of them) with almost all of them working alongside other members of the previous team. There will be other people going for the same roles and it’s going to take time and effort to find the role that’s a perfect fit for you. Keep the faith.
As redundancy doesn’t usually afford you the same rituals as leaving by your own accord, there’s unlikely an easy-to-arrange leaving do, card or Kudos Board shared with you and so there are people who are still employed at your last place whom you’ve not had the chance to say a proper goodbye to. And because of how things transpired, they perhaps haven’t reached out to wish you all the best. Often in times of heightened stress and emotions, it’s the things that are left unsaid that we can give the most attention to. Never mind the cards or flowers others have sent - “Why hasn’t ‘so ’n’ so’ been in touch” we think, “I thought we had a good working relationship!” Truth be told, anyone not saying something in all likelihood doesn’t know what to say or how to contact you - best to remember not everyone now lives on LinkedIn. Show them the kindness and patience that you’re deserving of yourself.
It’s not a particularly easy thing to do straight off the bat, but practice recognising the projection of how you’re feeling in your reaction and response to others. And take regular breaks away from social media, away from your screen so you have the space to acknowledge what’s in your control and what’s not.
Protect your energy
Through my Yoga and mindfulness practice, one message is often cited - “you are not your thoughts”. The thoughts that go through our heads are (for most) a constant stream of white noise and it’s the thoughts we latch on to through giving attention and focus that then start to form our beliefs - often in who we are and what we’re capable of. This is why I wanted to share these redundant thoughts - they needed expelling from my head; I am not these thoughts, especially.
The next time a redundant thought appears, how about labelling it as such and letting it go? Awareness of the thought but not fuelling it with attention. Or how about we use tools we already have in our design toolkit - “5 Why” ourselves to get to the root cause of the thought or emotion or use the FOG method - is that a Fact, Opinion or Guess that's rattling around up there in our heads?
Job hunting is a full-time job, not only the actions of networking and applying for roles but framed as redundancy, it’s all you can think about; acutely aware that there’s a countdown clock started and you perhaps only have so much financial runway before the pressure really does mount. So let’s clear space for helpful, positive, constructive thoughts that enable plans and actions, not the energy drain of negative thoughts.